I almost quit in 2019.
I can see now, GOD, that your decisions are right; your testing has taught me what’s true and right. Oh, love me—and right now!—hold me tight! just the way you promised. Now comfort me so I can live, really live; your revelation is the tune I dance to. Psalm 119:75-77 MSG
After summer 2019, I almost quit. On everything. So many challenges hit our family at the same time and for the first time in my life I experienced depression. No one noticed but my wife. I wasn’t in sin. My marriage is strong. My kids are doing great. I continued working, leading ministry, preaching God’s word, counseling countless others almost every week, posting encouraging messages, but I felt alone. When you are in high capacity leadership, its expected to-have, to-show and encourage faith and compassion. So my pride prohibited me from acknowledging that there was a problem. I’m a man. I would just tell myself to suck it up and move on. But what do you do when you feel like you have nothing left to give? When your passion runs dry? Demands. High expectations. Sacrifice. Time. I started to just check the box to “show my face” as an obligation, rather than as a commitment. I still loved God. I still loved his people. But what’s dangerous is that in this condition you’re easily susceptible to believe that you are unworthy, you don’t matter, no one cares or sees you ... and I got angry with God. I stopped dreaming. I kept on preaching and encouraging people from a broken state. Some of my best messages last year came from that state, but I was tired and no-one noticed.
I almost went into the new year feeling the same way. I kept hearing DREAM, but I couldn’t. I kept saying DREAM, but I didn’t. Then our Kingdom First Conference @destinywoc came. When I heard the message from Pastor @keithcraft that “Today is the Day”, it was time for a change. My destiny, my future, and my family. WE ARE NEXT. I started reading @pastorsamuelrodriguez book “You are Next’ and I was blessed realizing again that you cannot discover your purpose until you first discover His presence. I learned that the battle will always be won in the presence of God, before the presence of people. Not everyone will know your battle. Not everyone will see your pain or tears. But God sees you and he will move you beyond barriers that limit you. I’ve been called for a time as this. The pain. The obstacles. The sacrifice, is preparation for the joy that comes from attaining all God has for me and my family. I’m blessed with the support of my wife and I thank her and my father who talked me through this season of my life reminding me to not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9). There is no shame in admitting that you are struggling. God has not given up on you. You shouldn’t either. I'm ready to be a better husband. I'm ready to be a better father. I'm ready to be a better leader and carrier of God's message. I’m ready to dance. It’s time to dream again in 2020.
After summer 2019, I almost quit. On everything. So many challenges hit our family at the same time and for the first time in my life I experienced depression. No one noticed but my wife. I wasn’t in sin. My marriage is strong. My kids are doing great. I continued working, leading ministry, preaching God’s word, counseling countless others almost every week, posting encouraging messages, but I felt alone. When you are in high capacity leadership, its expected to-have, to-show and encourage faith and compassion. So my pride prohibited me from acknowledging that there was a problem. I’m a man. I would just tell myself to suck it up and move on. But what do you do when you feel like you have nothing left to give? When your passion runs dry? Demands. High expectations. Sacrifice. Time. I started to just check the box to “show my face” as an obligation, rather than as a commitment. I still loved God. I still loved his people. But what’s dangerous is that in this condition you’re easily susceptible to believe that you are unworthy, you don’t matter, no one cares or sees you ... and I got angry with God. I stopped dreaming. I kept on preaching and encouraging people from a broken state. Some of my best messages last year came from that state, but I was tired and no-one noticed.
I almost went into the new year feeling the same way. I kept hearing DREAM, but I couldn’t. I kept saying DREAM, but I didn’t. Then our Kingdom First Conference @destinywoc came. When I heard the message from Pastor @keithcraft that “Today is the Day”, it was time for a change. My destiny, my future, and my family. WE ARE NEXT. I started reading @pastorsamuelrodriguez book “You are Next’ and I was blessed realizing again that you cannot discover your purpose until you first discover His presence. I learned that the battle will always be won in the presence of God, before the presence of people. Not everyone will know your battle. Not everyone will see your pain or tears. But God sees you and he will move you beyond barriers that limit you. I’ve been called for a time as this. The pain. The obstacles. The sacrifice, is preparation for the joy that comes from attaining all God has for me and my family. I’m blessed with the support of my wife and I thank her and my father who talked me through this season of my life reminding me to not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal 6:9). There is no shame in admitting that you are struggling. God has not given up on you. You shouldn’t either. I'm ready to be a better husband. I'm ready to be a better father. I'm ready to be a better leader and carrier of God's message. I’m ready to dance. It’s time to dream again in 2020.
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