Yeah. It Hurts. *church hurt

 My heart is hurting right now. 2 weeks ago I made a post about Spiritual Abuse. It opened a flood gate of direct messages from people local and far about their personal experiences. It broke my heart how common the abuse was being caused by church leadership, Pastors and overall the body of Christ. Now let me preface before I continue with my thoughts. I'm not here to call out anyone, expose people, point the finger or encourage people to confront an abuser. I truly believe that emotional healing will come and there is recovery from spiritual abuse. This was deposited in my heart because we are building a God dream in a church and the commons topic from believers that have started attending is that they are hurting and I have the responsibility to understand and help point people to the healer, Jesus. I'm not perfect, but I'm teachable, and those who truly know me, know my heart. So here we go ...

10 years ago I studied for about 3 months on the "Message Behind the Music" and opened people's eyes on how the enemy uses music to influence a generation to no longer believe in God. I mentioned that in 5-10 years it will be "cool" to worship satan and that it was happening within Hip Hop. I saw that depression and mental health would be glorified in music that would encourage people to end their lives. It was spiritually the toughest topic I had ever addressed and I was attacked spiritually along with my physical health like never before. BUT, there was breakthrough, there was deliverance and many teenagers and their parents came to know God and let go of chains that were holding them back. Here I am again addressing something that is not popular and something that many people don't want to talk about or address. The reality is that this is a real issue and sadly can be taken controversial. I'm sure people will read this and respond with their own posts as if to cover their own behavior or discredit what God is asking me to do. BUT I want people to be free from this on both sides as a leader and as a servant leader. We were all called for a time as this and we need to humble ourselves to understand what is happening around us so that we can learn and grow to be better leaders, Pastors, spouses and even parents. Leader, you are needed, but you have to check yourself constantly. 

Now for my friends that don't believe in God, this is definitely some ammo for you to avoid believing or being part of a Christian community, but this goes further than church. This happens everywhere. "Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment, with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person's spiritual empowerment. All in all, spiritual abuse can occur when a leader uses his or her spiritual position to control or dominate another person. They override the feelings and opinions of another, without regard to what will result in the other person's state of living, emotions or spiritual well-being. Power is used to bolster the position or needs of a leader over and above one who comes to them in need." "I'm the Pastor here!" (Book: "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse")

I've learned we can respond and not react and it is not necessary nor helpful to confront the abusers. Reactions that burst from pain and disappointment often feel good and right at the time, but most often they do not build, they hurt your credibility. Where my heart began to hurt was when someone shared about "Spiritual Rape" and how they recently walked away from their leadership position because of it. Spiritual rape is when someone uses you for your gifts for their gratification and glory leaving you identifying yourself with what you do for them, rather than why you do it. Many people said they felt empty, they lost their identity and the moment it would be brought up to a leader, they were told to serve more which only compounded the hurt underneath an expectation to perform rather than to heal. It starts a never ending cycle of "hurting people, hurting people." Here's the thing, there are many important distinctions that are NOT spiritual abuse. A strong leader is not automatically abusive because he or she is strong and decisive. The problem is when its used to shame, discredit or used to devalue a person's spirituality. 

I can go on and on, but if you have been someone that has gone through this pain, please know there is hope found in Jesus. I know that trust may have been lost in the system of "church" and leadership, but no one is perfect and we all fall short. I've learned that the church is perfect, until we all walk in including leadership. But I've also learned that the church is a hospital for you to heal and be restored. I encourage you to reach out to a leader, or Pastor that is respected. If that is too much, reach out to a counselor or a therapist. If you are a leader that has caused this kind of pain and never realized it, humble yourself. Seek for forgiveness from God and if possible from them. God can redeem what was broken and launch you into the influence and impact you were called for. You have to know that there is nothing wrong with therapy and getting your mental health in the right place. The Christian life begins with freedom. It's time for many of us to return to that joyful freedom in Christ. That is my hope and my goal. I've submitted myself to continue learning, allowing God to convict me in areas that I need to personally improve in and to see people as God's people and never my people. Squeeze in a prayer for me as well. I'm praying for you. I'm rooting for you. I'm believing the best is yet to come. Be blessed! - PA